May 14th, 2006

Tags: graduation Time: 10:46 pm Current Mood: accomplished

I am officially a college graduate:) I want to say it doesnt feel any different but it does. I went to a meeting tonight and the chairperson actually said it in front of the group as an announcement. It was nice to know so many people were rooting for me. Life is good:)

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May 1st, 2006

Time: 09:16 am Current Mood: content

The University of Blogging Presents to angelita1984 An Honorary Bachelor of Attention Seeking Majoring in Bad Poetry Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ® Username: Blogging Degree From Go-Quiz.com This is mildly amusing. I spent the entire weekend moving to my apt and I am beat. I'm noticing that I don't really have much to say these days. I have a second interview this week for a job that someone kinda recruited me for. I know its not the only job in the universe but I want it. I really do. Its in a nonprofit where I want to be. This is as close as I have come as far as the job search goes. Anyway thats about all for now.

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April 25th, 2006

Time: 06:19 pm Current Mood: accomplished

I just took my first final exam. I am only 2 finals, 1 quiz and a take home final away from my degree. I feel very happy about this. Proud of myself too. I have been feeling really good lately since Easter break. I dont know why but I am grateful for it. It doesnt matter why anyway. I am looking forward to moving into my apartment this weekend into early next week. I am so excited about it! I havent been this excited about my life in a long time. It feels really great and for that I am very grateful. I love life today and I have a lot of love for myself today. I found out where all my time went that I used for acting out. It has been redirected to my face to face friendships and showing up for life. Not that I dont fine internet relationships rewarding, its just different. The end.

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April 24th, 2006

Tags: school Time: 12:38 pm Current Mood: stressed

I feel really stressed. I have 2 exams this week and 1 next week. Classes end this week. I have to move in these next two weeks, I need to buy a bed before I can move, go to class, have a social life, and do job interview/job search stuff. All I can do is an hour at a time. I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. I am nervous about my financial situation also, but I am trying not to worry about it because it drives me crazy. I feel annoyed and irritated that as an undergraduate student who lives on campus, I need to adequately prepare for finals and also pack and move out of my dorm room. I know we do it every year but I just don't like having that extra stress. In spite of how I feel, things are going rather well. I am really grateful I am not drinking right now because that in and of itself would take up my life and I would have to try and squeeze my life as it is today into that, which wouldn't be that hard since everything else I have today is only because I dont drink. Anyway, I just need to get that shit out of my head and surrender it. I bought my cap and gown recently:)and yesterday I was inducted into the Psychology honor society Psi Chi:)

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April 20th, 2006

Time: 11:46 pm Current Mood: happy

I was just rereading this journal from the time i got sober up until the beginning of this school year. When I read the post chronologically, I could see the progress I made and I remeber how hard it felt when I was going through all of it last Summer. A year ago I had just moved out of an apartment because the roomamtes I had at the time were drinking and I didnt think that I could stay sober. I was also acting out in the extreme in relationships via the internet. Its scary when I look back on it because it took until February of this year for me to stop acting out with that kind of stuff. I know that is exactly why I don't update this journal anymore too because the longer I stay sober, the more I see how acting out stops working eventually. At first drinking and drugs stopped working and then flying to Raleigh stopped working, then having a long distance realtionship stoppped working for me. Now I don't feel like I act out as much anymore. I don't use instant messenger anymore, I rarely log onto myspace and livejournal and I am definately not meeting people on the internet anymore and I don;t ever intend to do so. Engaging in that kind of behavior is very dangerous for me. Anyways I am still alive.... I have one week and one day of classes left as an undergraduate and I am moving into my first ever apartment of my very own! I have a second interview for a job which I hope really really goes well because I think it would be fabulous to work there and fabulous to have a job in general. Life is good. Soooooo good. The end.

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April 19th, 2006

Time: 12:22 am Current Mood: excited

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April 7th, 2006

Time: 11:18 pm Current Mood: confused

3 weeks left as an undergraduate. Looking for jobs :/ 3 days til I sign my lease for my apt:) Im full of all types of feelings/emotions about this transitioning period into the real world.

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April 1st, 2006

Subject: tagged by kissmedeadlyxox Time: 01:11 pm Current Mood: calm

The first player of this game starts with "six weird things/habits about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their six weird habits/things as well and state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose the six people to be tagged and list their names. I drink coffee with a straw. I am addicted to watching six feet under DVD's. I keep repeating seasons 1,2 and 4 because thats all I own. I am about to sign a lease to live in a studio in Philadelphia's "gayborhood" section of center city and I am straight. I am right handed and wear my watch on my right wrist. I'm 5'10 and I love to wear heels. I wear chapstick every single day, year round and probably put it on more than 5 times each day. I'm not tagging because noone seems to respond to them when I do.

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March 18th, 2006

Time: 02:57 pm Current Mood: content

This is entertaining....hmm You Are Strength You represent both fiery energy and steadfast will. You are innocent and naive - yet unafraid and undaunted. Perhaps you don't have the most powerful physical strength... But your mental powers make up for any amount of muscle. Your fortune: Lately, you have been a pillar of ethics and moral strength. And while things may be difficult, your faith in yourself will come through. You may need to conquer the animalistic nature of yourself or others, with gentle force. Although this may seem like the darkest hour for you, victory is near. What Tarot Card Are You?

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March 17th, 2006

Subject: This is intriguing Time: 11:07 pm Current Mood: confused

A friend shared this with me, I found it rather interesting. Its about a 9/11 conspiracy theory. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8260059923762628848

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March 16th, 2006

Time: 08:19 pm Current Mood: blah

You Are Sunshine Soothing and calm You are often held up by others as the ideal But too much of you, and they'll get burned You are best known for: your warmth Your dominant state: connecting What Type of Weather Are You?

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March 15th, 2006

Tags: apartments Subject: apartment Time: 09:15 am Current Mood: hopeful

Well, I found an apartment that has what I am looking for so far. That being carpet, laundry, not on the first floor. I made a plan to go see it on monday. I wanted to see it sooner but I work until 5 for the rest of the week and I couldn't get a time after 4pm. So, the plan is to go Monday afternoon. I'm really excited! A friend told me to check the small things like electrical outlets and water pressure. Thats all for now:)

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March 13th, 2006

Time: 10:19 am Current Mood: lonely

This journal is looking pretty sad these days. Don't have much to say. I just been looking for apartments and a job and thats about it. Well that and the usual class and internship and meetings. Graduation is 2 months from tomorrow:-) I'm nervous about all that stuff. I've never been all on my own before so I'm not sure what to expect. Anyhow, I need to get back to work.

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March 8th, 2006

Tags: family, movies, philly Subject: Mom visits, Brokeback mountain, philly is unsafe yet I want an apt here. :-) Time: 10:27 pm Current Mood: grateful

My mom came down from NY yesterday and left this afternoon. We went to the art museum, some shopping and saw Brokeback Mountain...very powerful film I thought. I am feeling pretty good tonight. There was a slight disturnbance when I was downtown earlier. I was walking with a friend on walnut street and a guy came running up from behind us and shortly thereafter, a young lady was running saying "Stop him he has my purse" Its been awhile since I actually felt raw feelings about being robbed in Philly when I first moved here. But being present for something as simple as that, though it had nothing to do with me, still brings up my stuff about the robbery. So in any event I am feeling very grateful that I am ok, alive and healthy and I feel sad for the girl who got her purse stolen. I wish this city was a safer one :-( On that note, I made the first few phonecalls about getting my first apartment here. And perhaps tomorrow I may go look at one for the first time. I am also feeling WAY WAY grateful for having parents who support my decisions and are willing to help me in any way they can. I am a pretty lucky girl. The end.

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March 4th, 2006

Tags: madonna Time: 12:09 am Current Mood: content

Mmmm, mmmm Say good-bye to not knowing when The truth in my whole life began Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry You taught me that And I'll remember the love that you gave me Now that I'm standing on my own I'll remember the way that you changed me I'll remember Inside I was a child That could not mend a broken wing Outside I looked for a way To teach my heart to sing I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess I learned to let go, I travel in stillness And I'll remember happiness I'll remember [I'll remember] Mmmmm... [I'll remember] Mmmmm... No I've never been afraid to cry Now I finally have a reason why I'll remember [I'll remember]

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March 3rd, 2006

Tags: recovery Subject: gifts of sobriety Time: 11:10 pm Current Mood: content

So being that I am sober and can be present for my life today, I had the opportunity tonight to help a newcomer. She has about 84 days sober and I saw her at my homegroup meeting earlier this week. Tonight I recognized her again at a beginners meeting so I decided to go and talk to her. We ended up going for coffee and hung out for awhile. I was really grateful being able to share my experience, strength and hope with this person. I am also really grateful that I have a program and a higher power and that I work that program to the best of my ability. What a gift! btw I am officially of spring break!! :-) That means the dorms are DEAD, no screaming girls its all peace and quiet! However, I don't think the heat is on tonight :-( In any event my day was pretty good and I am grateful for that. The end.

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March 1st, 2006

Time: 10:15 pm Current Mood: depressed

I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my life. It's like nothing matters and what should matter doesn't mean anything. School, the internship, my job all the fucking things I thought that mattered-would be willing to give it all up right now if it meant I could not feel the way I do right now. If I could stop comparing myself to others it might help. But at this specific moment I don't see where the benefits are of being in recovery. A friend told me once how she she at one point in her life had all the things she thought she wanted, the rich boyfriend, people paying her bills, all the friends in the world etc etc and in fact she was still miserable and suicidal on the inside. I get it. I really do. I guess it really isn't my wants that are going to make me happy. It has been proven to me time and time again that when I get what I want, it never ends up making me happy. Funny how history repeats itself. God give me strength. Rant over.

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February 28th, 2006

Time: 10:23 am Current Mood: crappy

Ugh I definately walked out of my room and down to the shower only to realized I wore my slippers and forgot my shower shoes. :-(

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February 27th, 2006

Subject: blah Time: 04:49 pm Current Mood: restless

I been feeling pretty tired for the last few days. Midterms are going on this week. I only really have one, the other was take home but it still leaves a crapload of work to do this week. Spring break is next week and I really wish I could be on a plane to a carribbean paradise to forget about real life just for a few days. It would be nice but my financial universe just won't permit it. chuckberryred seems to have disappeared. I can't reach her and I really wish I could talk to her :-(  The semester is flying by and next week starts the big job search for when I graduate (in 2 months and 2 weeks). I feel like its something I should be really excited about but I guess it hasn't been made "real" to me yet.  I'll be patient for that though. In all honesty I am kinda nervous about what all that will bring but Im not  really letting myself go there just yet. Reality kinda stinks right now. I'm uncomfortable.

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February 16th, 2006

Time: 12:43 pm Current Mood: hungry

What is up with our weather? Sunday we got overa foot of snow and today it is going to get up to 65 degrees and the by saturday back down to like 35 degrees...? No wonder why I got sick :-( In any event, I feel very spiritually connected which is a change from recent weeks. I had a hard time making a decision today about not going to my internship because I feel sick and I have a test tomorrow which I am not fully prepared form, but I made it and thats the point. My abnormal psych teacher is giving us a take-home midterm which made me very grateful:) The end.

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